"BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT."

Some days I a reminded of how absolutely wonderful my family is…today was one of those days. My Grandma Peabody passed peacefully last Friday and today was her funeral and life celebration. I have been in a gratitude state of mind through the whole transitioning process for the past couple weeks. She had suffered from heart challenges and her mind was slipping over the past years and I am grateful she is liberated from her failing body. I am grateful to live close to her and spend time with her through it all and especially over the past week. I am grateful for my family and the time we have shared and of course the time we spent together today.

Though in this gratitude state of mind, I knew deep down inside there was a really strong sadness. I am able to hold it all together and go about my life and business, and as long as that stuff is calling my attention, I can stay in gratitude. I was in my practice this morning until noon and the condolences just kept coming and for that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I got changed and jumped into my car and decided to stop and grab a quick bite to eat. I ran into a friend while doing so and another gracious “I’m so sorry for your loss.” I got back into my car and tried to eat and that is when it hit me. I was about to meet my family at the church and say “Good-Bye” to my Grandmother one last time.

I haven’t dealt with much death in my life up to this point. Prior to today, I could only speculate how I was going to respond to the situation. But if you know me, I am a pretty sensitive gal and I was a little startled at how much emoting my body needed to do and no better place then right there with some of the people that love me the most. It was a really wonderful thing to hold my nephew during portions of the service who is brand new on this Earth and the dichotomy of that experience. There were a lot of people present at her funeral to celebrate her and how she touched them in some way.

I tend to be one of few questions and spend a lot of my time in silent observation. I loved to listen to her stories and look at pictures but I never knew how to ask questions that would begin the stories. Today, an aunt and uncle stood up and shared her life with everyone and that portion really meant a lot to me.

My Grandmother was only 4’11” yet a powerful rock, a kind woman, a natural phenomenon like a rainbow, mother to 9 children, grandmother to 19 and great-grandmother to 14 so far, of Irish decent, raised in Canada, loved the fruit growing business, lover of the arts, nurtured growth in all things, was involved in female empowerment, an artist, a world traveler, had an entrepreneurial spirit, lover of nature, a fabulous cook, welcomed everyone, there was always room for another kid in the house and always room enough for one more at the table, trained as a medical tech, worked on the family farm in Birmingham, met my Grandpa there (stole him from his girlfriend), she was a dreamer, accepting of all humans, involved in numerous committees, lived her life in strong faith, found joy in the success of her children and was a “mirror” for them to discover themselves, a caramel apple connoisseur, a wonderful wife, a loving mother and I actually can hear her distinct voice as I write this blog.

Just a few short days before her death, my aunt was sitting at her bedside and she woke up and wanted to know “What is happening to me?” My Aunt responded, “Mom, you are dying.” My Grandmother then said, “But I don’t know how to do that.” This particular interaction really pulls on my heart strings. At a certain point, I am sure she was uneasy about “Not knowing how to do that.” but she sure found a way to do it peacefully and allowed each one of the 33 of us (plus spouses and significant others and friends) join her on that journey the best way we knew how. A little piece of her will grow old again with each one of us and every time I see a rainbow, I will rest well knowing there is one more angel that watches over me in this lifetime. Rest peacefully Grandma and know that you are so loved.