cafe of life – Page 4 – We Only Get One Chance

THE MOTH

“I will be on that stage someday” I said to my friend, Ameena, when as we were leaving The Circus Bar in Ann Arbor after “The Moth” StorySlam live event for the first time in early 2014. Ameena sent out a mass Facebook message earlier that day to my Book Club to see if anyone wanted to attend a “story-telling” event in Ann Arbor with her. I had been in the process of studying “The Art of Storytelling” for the past couple years and when I saw it was a live storytelling event, I jumped on the chance to attend.

I do my best to reply “yes” to any invite (within reason) that is thrown my way. I enjoy opening my eyes and mind to new things and ideas, and I tend to get involved in rich, rewarding experiences that start by simply replying “yes”.

Some of you may know of, or already listen to “The Moth”, but let me set the scene.
The Ann Arbor venue holds just over 300 people and all walks of life attend these events. The night consists of 10 volunteer storytellers from the audience. The stories need to be 5 minutes long, true, based on the theme set for the evening, and notes are not allowed. There are 3 sets of judges that are chosen from the audience and there is a Chiropractor Fenton Michigan The Moth 2 “winner” that advances on to a larger venue and then on to the “Moth Ball“, a huge event in New York City. While people are telling stories, a warning whistle blows at 5 minutes. Once 6 minutes has passed, another longer whistle blows and points can be deducted due to time. There is an awesome host or hostess that MC’s the evening and weaves their own stories in and around the storytellers as well as sharing “micro-stories” that the audience members have written out.
Throughout the evening, the stories are being recorded; both video recorded as well as audio and “The Moth” shares these stories on NPR, Michigan Public Radio and their podcast that is broadcasted everywhere.

The event happens monthly and I only missed a couple in the past year. I have also been listening to the podcast regularly and look forward to every new episode. Humans are so interesting and everyone has a story to tell. Because I have been on the hunt for rich, rewarding experiences in my life, I have some really cool, fun, awesome and interesting stories, a few of them brewing for the opportunity to match up with a theme at one of these events.

The StorySlam in December happened just before the holidays and while I was in Ann Arbor that night, it came to my attention that the theme for January would be “cold”. PERFECT!!! One of my stories finally matches up!!! That night I committed to getting myself up on that stage in January.

So I began to rehearse my story. I rehearsed it over and over and over, probably about 30 times to my empty house over the month. There was not a lot of feedback when I performed my story to my empty couches, but it allowed me the chance to get details figured out and hone in my words.
The event was on a Tuesday and was drawing near. As the days ticked by, I became more and more nervous. I do well in front of crowds once I get up there, but the time leading up to it can be absolutely overwhelming with nausea from nerves.

Monday that week, I am going through my regular day at Cafe of LIFE Chiropractic and when I would have a moment to think about getting on stage the next day, I would make myself sick. Monday night I could hardly sleep. Tuesday I woke up a little tired and my day was busy as usual. It didn’t help that these nervous feelings were taking over my body. I was getting myself so worked up about it I reached out to a friend. His reply, “If you get there tonight and you feel like doing it, then do it. If not, then who cares!”

Right.

I realized in that moment that it was my perfectionist nature that was creating the stress and if I just let it go and decided to be my imperfect self, I could settle some nerves and step into a powerful place of vulnerability.
I also knew I didn’t have a choice in the matter that evening…this was my evening to make it happen and to live more fully, I just couldn’t let this chance pass me by.
I practiced my story 4 more times on my ride down to Ann Arbor. I walked into the place, signed the rights away on my story and took my seat. A friend had gotten food for me and a little liquid courage which always helps.
The stories started and as they would randomly draw names from the bag, the nerves were so overwhelming, I didn’t know if I was going to implode or explode and decided the only possible way to make it through would be to use my breath to calm me down. I also put a piece of gum in my mouth just so I could stimulate my parasympathetic, relaxation response.

After the first 2 storytellers went, my name was called. I threw the gum out of my mouth, may or may not have said a swear word and up I went.

“YOLO is a trending term. Everyone has been using the concept of “You Only Live Once” that it has been reduced down to these 4 letters. It was 1994, I was 17 years old and I was in love…”

I knew my story was a crowd-pleaser and I knew they would get a kick out of it. I was surprised it was actually easier to tell the story onstage than at home. When I practiced on my own, I didn’t have the response of 300+ people laughing and cheering the story on. Onstage, I could feel all that presence and was also able to remain calm and mindful enough to make my words clear, rhythmical and tell a really good story.

I had a friend record it for me and was able to watch myself on stage and I am proud of what I did.
I didn’t win “The Moth” StorySlam that night but it was a huge win in my life. It was something I wanted to do for over a year and decided to bust through any barriers, physical and mental, and make it happen.

Through the years, I have decided I am not going to be sitting on the sidelines of life and letting experiences pass me by. I often get private messages on Facebook and through email asking me “do you have a terminal diagnosis? Are you dying or why are you making all this stuff happen? What is driving you? What is your motivation?” It is simple…we only live once and my plan is to squeeze as much juice out of my days, weeks, months and years as I possibly can.

That Tuesday night is only the beginning of my time onstage at “The Moth”. I am not sure it will be easier the next time I do it. What I do know is that I did it, I went to battle with the perfectionist that lives inside of me and won, I found some strength sharing my story standing in vulnerability, I survived and made it out the other side more fully alive, That is what life is all about.

MY TRIBE

I never really felt the word “my tribe” until I went on my last vacation over the holidays. This is my tribe.

We have a resonance, ride the same wavelength.
We look at life through a similar lens.
We were familiar to each other from the beginning.
We laugh louder and harder together.
We mastermind.
We play. Like kids, we play.
We call each other out on limiting beliefs.
We call each other to be bigger people than we currently are and hold one another accountable.
We love in a really big way, each other and the world.
We bounce ideas off one another and truly gain so much from the other’s perspective.
We live fully and loudly and that is magnified when we are together.
We make our little crazy lives and ideas seem “normal” when we are together.
We have worked so hard, dug and excavated all kinds of stuff in order to uncover more of who we each are at our core. We did a lot of that work together and have tremendous trust in one another.
When there is time to shift and change and grow, a gentle space is held for when one stumbles.
We dance and sing. A lot! Fenton Chiropractor My Tribe
We can be our authentic selves, and it is encouraged.
We love life and remind each other to remain keenly aware of how blessed we are in our individual lives…and also as a group.
We have seen each other at our worst and helped to elevate that space.
We serve others and realize service is the key to happiness.
We have learned love, loss and so many other life lessons together.
We have great respect for one another.
We plan and plot and scheme.
We are family but we are so very different from our own blood-family.

That is my tribe and I wish all of you had a chance to get to know all of them. They are some of the most incredible people and my life would not be quite as rich without them. There is a great line in the Broadway play “Wicked” that goes something like this…

“Because I’ve known you, I’ve been changed for good.” This is my tribe.

SISTER

As many of you know, I grew up with 3 brothers. Can you guess how many days were 3 against 1? All of them and what I would have given to have a sister.
This past holiday season, I spent 11 days with really close friends in the sunshine on the beach. We have traveled quite a bit together over the years. None of us have any kids, so life is simple right now, and while it is, we will travel.
We have had many different accommodations through the years, however, this is the first year we have had a rental house that we all stayed under one roof. At the last minute, a girlfriend of ours joined us. Chiropractor Fenton Michigan Sister The original plan was I would have my own bedroom but now that she was coming, we would be sharing.
Vacation is meant for relaxation and recharging and I have to admit, the idea of sharing a room wasn’t ideal. I have a sleeping issue and unless I have just the right bed, and just the right pillows, and just the right temperature, and just the right amount of noise, I have a challenge getting to sleep. So adding another person for 10 nights seemed overwhelming and not relaxing.
This girlfriend of mine, Allie, I have known for almost 15 years. We have been friends since the moment I met her and have navigated many of life’s ups and downs together. We truly go WAY back!!
The first night, I slept like a baby. It was almost as if I had a guardian angel with me. Truly that is what my sweet friend Allie has become. She is an amazing chiropractor and a powerful woman, however she is so much more than that. She is a healer, an intuitive and she lives to serve and nurture others. We had 6 chiropractors under one roof and she was the one most of us wanted to be adjusted by. We shared in the adjusting duties but she was busy all week checking and adjusting all of us.
As a group of 6, we would spend our days running and playing and dancing and singing and surfing and eating and making movies and clowning around. We would talk about deep topics and superficial topics, topics that effect our day to day as well as those that effect our entire lives.
Then we would all finish our days and head to our respective resting places. Allie and I would shut the door to the outside world and usually pull out our phones. We would chat for a bit and fill in some blanks and share funny things that came through email or Facebook. Then we would turn out the lights and sometimes those conversations would continue.
Remember those sleep-overs as kids when the conversation would head into the after-dark times? That is exactly what it was and we would stay up late.
It was like sharing a room with sister that I never had and I cherish that time with her. Chiropractor Fenton Michigan Sister 2
In my normal day to day, I spend a lot of time in solitude. I have a busy chiropractic office, Cafe of LIFE Chiropractic, and I see a lot of people on a daily basis. I also spend a lot of time out and about amongst people. When I come home, it is just me. I like it that way. I like that when I leave my house in the morning, I know it will be in the same condition when I return in the evening because I am the only one creating the space.
But there are times when it is truly lonely and the responsibility of creating energy that is happening in my house my solo responsibility as I am the only one creating the space.
I realized when I returned home a couple days ago that I miss her tremendously. I miss all my friends, my tribe, but I miss my sister. Sometimes it takes the contrast in life to realize what one truly values. The contrast of the cold helps to appreciate the hot; the contrast of dark helps to appreciate the light, and the contrast of alone-ness helps to appreciate good company.
I know she, and so many other friends, are just a phone call, email or text message away. I have some good friends that are just a short car ride from my home. I love the life and space that I create on my own, and at the same time, I have shifted a little bit and am looking forward to spending more regular time in good company. I realize the juice of life can be squeezed out of the days as a solo mission, but is so much sweeter when shared.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Thank you for all your time and energy this past week my sweet sister Allie. Much, much, much love!!

THE RULES OF IMPROVISATION

I recently finished a light-hearted book by Tina Fey called “Bossypants”. She is hilarious and her book was a nice break from the “heavy” reading I usually do. Tina really struck me with her section on “The Rules of Improvisation” and as I was reading one evening in the sauna, I thought how applicable these rules are to living an extraordinary life. I wanted to share.

RULE #1: AGREE. SAY “YES!” In improv, when someone starts off on a topic, the next person has to start by agreeing with them. If they say their fingers are a gun, the next person has to agree otherwise the scene is dead in the water. How often do you find yourself saying “no”, whether it be to an invitation, an idea or just finding yourself disagreeing with a concept and shutting everything down?

Just recently, I had an invite to situation that was completely unknown. If I would have tapped into my logical mind, I could have come up with loads of reasons why I shouldn’t go. A friend once said, “I am willing to try just about anything as long as it doesn’t end me in jail, I don’t end up with a permanent scar and it doesn’t hurt my credit score.” I have adopted this within reason and choose to say ‘YES” whenever I can and often find myself experiencing some really incredible things.

RULE #2: Say “YES and…” meaning agree and say “YES” first, but then offer something as a contribution. An example in improv that she uses is, “Man, it is hot in here!!!” “Well what did you expect it would be like inside a dog’s mouth?!?!” and then scene continues.

Get involved in making the plans in life. Get involved in the conversations you are having on a daily basis. What you have to contribute is worthwhile. Sometimes even if you disagree with what is presented, using the word “and” is a great transition to something that may open up the doors for all parties involved. “Yes, and….” feels very different and more inviting than “Yes, but…”

RULE #3: MAKE STATEMENTS. Questions are good in certain scenarios, however when you make bold, confident statements in life, things start shifting. “Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.”

“Everything in life is figureoutable” -Marie Forleo

Start offering options and ideas instead of allowing someone else to always lead the pack towards a solution. I absolutely love hanging out with some of my good friends and having brainstorming sessions. I have my fair share of challenges that come up in everyday life. I will present it to a couple friends and then the conversation is sparked allowing for all kinds of different solutions to surface and life takes a step forward.

RULE #4: THERE ARE NO MISTAKES – ONLY OPPORTUNITIES. In improv, if a scene starts one way but is interpreted another, it is an opportunity to go in a different direction and everyone involved needs to pick up the ball and start running.

Life is the same way. We can plan, forecast and predict what will happen in life, however we have all been thrown a curveball as soon as we think we have something figured out. For me, I do not know one thing that could describe life better than finding myself in “beautiful happy accidents” that have led me down some really great paths in directions I couldn’t have even fathomed. Along the course of my life, I have learned that I better quit pushing and I better start surrendering to the path I am on and letting go of where I think I should be. When I do more of that, life is easier.

The rules of improvisation are 4 very simple rules that, when put together, can lead to a seriously fun life! I want to challenge you to start every morning with a “Yes, and” attitude, contribute to what is happening around you, be part of the solution and trust that there really are no mistakes. Those “beautiful happy accidents” that Tina talks about are where the juice of life is!! Make the best of it…we only get one chance.

ITS A FEELING

People often ask me about my chiropractic office the Cafe of LIFE. For years, I have tried to really explain what it is like in here…but honestly, it is more about a feeling.

Its a feeling that you can maybe understand if you had pictures and words and could see the inside of the office and hear a story.

That is exactly what we have done in creating the clip below. I have had great feedback so far and just wanted to share with you a little about what I mean when I say “Its a feeling…”.

Please feel free to share with your friends and family or connect with us on Facebook. It truly is a feeling. See you soon!!

BEST YEAR YET!!

Happy New Year!!! It has been pretty busy and hectic start to the year…all good things. Over the past couple years, I have spent a little time brainstorming with a few friends about a “theme” for the year. For example “Life is Zen in 2010” or “There Will be 7 in 2011” or “Life is Heaven in 2011”. So we were talking about 2012 and honestly, besides the word “delve”, not much rhymes with 2012. I was working it out and trying to figure out a cool catch phrase for 2012 and…it is just not happening.

So I look back at the past and I ask myself “Was life really ZEN in 2010?” NO WAY!!! What about 2011…”were there 7 in 2011?” Yes there were 7 this and 7 that, but nothing that was significant that pertained to that number. “Was life HEAVEN in 2011?” NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! I was seeing a pattern and I began to think that though it is super cute and catchy to make something that rhymes, maybe the rhyming part was the problem…limiting.

This past Saturday, I spent the entire day at a Women’s Retreat over in Oxford. It was a day for women, all things women, and lots of local practitioners with interesting topics about things that pertain to women and issues surrounding women’s lives. It was a day to escape normal life, hide out in this great little place tucked back in the woods and get reconnected…and I enjoyed every moment of it! It was such great timing with the beginning of the year and such an awesome time to set an intention for the months to follow. So I began to think about this “phrase of the year” thing again. I was eating lunch and writing a short little note to a real special person and it hit me…THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!! It just struck me, just like that and I thought “HOW PERFECT!!!”. Since Saturday, that idea has been stuck in my head and resonating in my being. I had to tweak it a little bit to “2012, THIS IS THE BEST YEAR YET!!!” that way I am open to even better years in the future. Actually I think every year is better and better and I think it is a great time to sit for a moment and be grateful for that fact. Each year reveals to me a little more about me, and the more I know about me, the better.

How about you? Have you set any intentions for the year? What kind of a feeling does 2012 give you? Any plans, moves, changes? Is life how you want it to be or is there something or some role you need to step into? Let’s get going…we only get one chance…lets make it THE BEST YEAR YET!!!

THE ANTI-FAN

I attended a football game at Michigan State University this past Saturday “GO SPARTANS!!!”. I love going to the campus, I love being in the stadium and I just love everything about a day of college football. It was the most beautiful day for a football game and we sat in some really great seats…well, great seats to watch the game, not so great seats for one particular fan, or “anti-fan”, that sat behind us. The entire game, this anti-fan shouted out the meanest things. He was a MSU fan and I am pretty sure one that has been attending games for years and years. He was loud, angry, negative and down-right mean. They would do something great and he would be sarcastic with his support. They would do something bad and he would shout something like “WELL WE HAVE GROWN TO EXPECT THAT FROM YOU GUYS!!!” They would start moving the ball down the field and he would act shocked, they would have a turnover and he would go back to his “of-course-that-just-happened” attitude. It was unbelievable that someone would pay money to come to a college football game and knock their team so much…to top it off, he was not quiet about it. His wife was with him and a younger woman sat on his other side…both of them were ultra-quiet…and it went on the entire game.

There are two things I learned from that…1. I am really glad I do not have anyone in my life that is that negative and 2. if you are a fan, BE A FAN!!! There is a saying “You get more bees with honey than vinegar”. If you are looking for positive results, it is important to have a positive attitude. Now some would ask, how much effect could one guy in the stands have on a team that is down on the field? and, does it really matter if one guy is being negative in a crowd of positivity? Have you ever heard the saying “One bad apple spoils a bushel”? I was not letting him effect me on a conscious level, but who knows what he was doing on a subconscious level to my energy, much less everyone else around him. More than anything, if a guy is that pissed off and negative at a wonderful college sporting event, I can only imagine what he is like in a stressful situation. If someone like that is the patriarch of a family, I would wager his negativity infiltrates his family members…and I know for a fact that it is effecting his health.

It isn’t always easy to keep a positive attitude, especially when life seems to be throwing you lemons…but what about that saying “When life throws you lemons, make lemonade”. By writing about this, I am by no means complaining about him. I am hoping to increase the awareness around attitude. When someone asks “How are you?” let’s run through 2 possible answers. “Not bad.” is one possible answer…but “Not bad.” leans towards negative energy. What if when asked how you are, you answer “I am good.” or “I am really great!”. Even just saying those two answers, as compared to the first, really changes the energy of how you are feeling…and in essence changes the energy in and around your body.

How are you spending your life? Where are you focusing your energy? What small changes can you make to shift your perspective in a more positive direction? Let’s start today…we only get one chance to make this the best life possible!

HALLOWEEN

Halloween means 2 things to me…COSTUMES AND CANDY!! The costume part of the 2…pure fun! The candy…a double-edged sword. Candy does a weird thing to me. It is fun to eat, tastes amazing, and releases “feel good” and comforting chemicals in the body. I always have mixed feelings about giving away candy at Halloween…and it mostly has to do with the detrimental effects the sugar has on immune system function. I have settled this battle in my head by giving out caramel apples at the Cafe. It allows me to still have fun with candy but also get that apple in there as well since…”An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”.

So this year I decided I wanted to do a little more educating when it comes to sugar and the immune system. What is the physiology behind sugar and the immune system and why is sugar so detrimental?

Interesting to note, October-February seems to be dubbed “Cold and Flu Season”. I would like to open your minds a little bit to the fact that it may be better termed “Sugar Season”. Halloween starts with the candy that can last for weeks, then Thanksgiving is filled with deserts, and December is the month of endless holiday parties, Christmas cookies, wine and other cocktails.

Do you want the physiology? The major players in the immune system, namely the white blood cells, need vitamin C in order to do their work. Vitamin C and sugar have a similar structure and if sugar is around, it will bind to the activation site and block Vit C. When you ingest sugar you can think of your immune system slowing down to a crawl. Not a good thing. Then do that over and over for days, weeks and potentially 2 straight months…guess what? COLDS and FLU VIRUSES set in!!

So let’s approach this holiday season with a little more awareness…and a little more will power to steer clear of all that sugar. Indulge some, but keep it to a minimum and I bet you will find more energy to enjoy the celebrations, friends and family, and I bet you will come through the winter season a little happier and healthier.

I am by no means saying that I keep my diet completely clear of sugar. On most days I do however I found myself digging in some on Halloween with all the goodies we had at the Cafe of LIFE. I also found myself experiencing some intense sugar cravings on Tuesday, needing extra sleep on Tuesday night and a good portion of Wednesday and am finally feeling back to normal. It is fun while it lasts…tastes great while it is in your mouth and I feel good about it all for about 3-4 minutes. Then I spend 3 full days recovering from it all. It simply is not worth it.

We may as well do the best we can with the choices of what we put in in our bodies…we only get one chance.

TRY SOMETHING NEW

It was just over a week ago that i brought a friend to yoga class with me. He had never done yoga and going to the studio for the first time can create a little bit of anxiety not knowing what to expect. The class was amazing as usual and he did great. At the end of the evening I told him I was glad he was game for attending that class…and his response “I am up for just about anything as long as it doesn’t leave a permanent scar, I don’t have to get a tetanus shot and it doesn’t ruin my credit”.

Initially I laughed pretty hard…but since then I have been pondering how much power is behind those simple words. Life is all about having experiences, relating to others and learning…and that particular statement is all encompassing. How many times have you found yourself bowing out of something because “Its too cold”, “Its too hot”, “Its too hard”, “Its too early”, “Its too uncomfortable”, “I don’t have time”, “I’m too tired”, “I’m not strong enough”, “I have too much to do”. We make those excuses time after time and we watch life fly by and really miss out on some pretty great things.

I do my best to life my life in a way that puts me in places to have rich, rewarding experiences. Sometimes it is intimidating to enter into some of those situations I have no idea about and do something for the first time. Generally I have found that the more nervous I am about something, the more amazing I feel when I am finished. So instead of placing too many restrictions and being a fair-weather participant…how about creating a couple simple restrictions of your own, or adopting those three simple ones…doesn’t leave a permanent scar, no tetanus shot and doesn’t ruin your credit. Life becomes really, really exciting when you live like that and you will find yourself doing things you never even knew were on the menu…at least that is what I have found so far. We only get one chance…let’s make it to the end with no regrets!

SUMMER IS HERE

What a beautiful long weekend!!! It really feels like summer now. For some reason Mother Nature feels that the people from Michigan can handle going from 50s right to 80s and 90s. For those of us that live in this amazing state…if it means we get to see th

e sun, WE WILL TAKE IT!!! There is a certain feeling that comes along with summer. I think it may have to do with the shedding of all the layers we have to wear during the winter in order to keep warm. Once summer comes, even something as simple as being able to wear flip flops is so freeing.

We are incredibly blessed with all the water and lakes that surround us. In this great little town alone, we probably have 8 or 9. Life on the lake is really nice. I am fortunate that my parents live on the lake just south of town and on the weekends, my brothers and their families gather and we hang out and play all day. We usually gather with food and music and spend the entire day chatting, catching some rays and watching my niece, Charlei, learn about the water, sand and navigating the deck. It is a lot of fun and has become my most favorite thing to do. Yesterday was wonderfully hot, the lake was incredibly busy, and the water was amazingly refreshing. Everything wrapped up around 7 or so and everyone headed home to get some final rest before the week begins again. I headed down a couple doors to a small gathering that was happening, chatted for a few minutes and helped them clean up… And that is when it happened…I had my first bite of watermelon. I don’t know anything that says “welcome to summer” more than biting into fresh watermelon. It’s summertime. Get out there and enjoy yourself!