building – Page 2 – We Only Get One Chance

UNKNOWN

Today I found the unknown staring me in the face.

The unknown is intimidating, very, very intimidating.

As most of you read in my last blog post, I GOT ENGAGED!!!! I am absolutely OVER THE MOON EXCITED, blessed and honored that this man has asked me to be his wife.

…and I have a GORGEOUS RING!!!

Newly engaged, it is hard to turn my eyes away from the ring. I had the chance to pick it out in the beginning of December but to actually wear it is a whole new experience.

As many of you know, I was married at 19 for 7 years. At one point someone said to me “Oh, you have had your ‘starter marriage’.” “STARTER MARRIAGE”??????? Um, sure??? I am not a fan of that concept, I understand the idea of a “starter home” by not a “starter marriage”.

Since then I have dated for 14 years and had some long term relationships, however even during all that time, the voice in my head would chime in and say “How do people actually get to the place of committing to marriage anyway?” I couldn’t make sense of it at the time. Now In retrospect, it is simple to see that internal voice was just making sure I would eventually find the right one and I get it now.

I look down at this ring and it says “commitment” to me in the most beautiful way. But staring right back at me is this huge UNKNOWN.

There are so many unknowns…things that have been on my radar but also things that I/we haven’t thought through completely.

It is scary to look down and know that I have literally committed to the unknown with Mike. The longer I linger in thoughts of the unknown, the more nauseated I get. It’s pure worry and I am sure there may be some place in your life that you can relate to that feeling.

When I snap out of that I think to myself “This unknown is WITH MIKE, my Mike.”

“We’ll figure it out” has rolled off our tongues so much to each other throughout our courtship. It is accompanied by this incredible I’ve-got-your-back energy, confidence, respect and honor and is followed by actually figuring things out together.

It is the most beautiful thing I have ever been involved in, the most innocent and precious connection.

We have not had a simple and easy road so far. We have been together for just over nine months but we have already scaled some walls and traversed some valleys that stood in our way. Something that is working in our favor is our age. I think when I was involved in my marriage at such an early age, as was Mike was as well, it is difficult to know who you are and what you want life to really look like. Also there is so much growth and evolution that happens through the 20s, it is simple to get set up in relationship patterns that will not go the distance.

We have both been there and have learned a lot along the way. The lessons have been interesting and some so painful it was often difficult to see any light. Neither of us fantasize about how easy marriage will be, but we do remain hopeful that things can remain simple.

What I have learned through 14 years of dating is that core values are the most important key to finding a partner. Deep core values NEED to line up. I have dated enough to know a little bit about connection and what questions to ask right from the start. When I was younger, it was difficult to ask the heavy hitting questions and that landed me in relationships that couldn’t endure he long haul.

So Mike and I had a lot of hard discussions right up front and vetted out some of the serious topics to be sure we lined up. Of course there will always be that work to do.

The other thing that has really built our foundation we bring up absolutely anything and everything that is on our minds, no matter what it is. Because of this we have been able to get to the roots of our personal challenges and have the hard talks about life and what we are looking for.

He is my safe place, my home and has been from the very beginning.

Together we will walk hand in hand into the unknown. From the outside this may look and sound like a match made in heaven with all rainbows and butterflies and unicorns. There are many obstacles, I will reveal more as time goes by, big obstacles that we have overcome already and some yet to be uncovered.

Jumping off the cliff into the unknown seems do-able with Mike. Father Time will be the great determiner and until then I will embrace the work, lean into the discomfort, have faith and put one foot in front of the other.

As I am writing this, I am curious to know more about you. I am curious if you have found yourself staring into the face of the unknown as well as maybe a hint or two about how you stepped in anyway. How did you do that? What did you bank on? Where was your courage sourced from? I think we can learn a lot from each other’s experiences. Leave your comments for me…

MY TRIBE

As many of you know, I usually spend the holidays with my tribe.

This tribe consists of long time friends that I met during chiropractic college (and a couple since). Many of them have traveled most years together, other parts of my tribe were not able to go and a few have yet to join us. Whoever shows up for the holiday trip is always the perfect blend.

We always meet somewhere warm and spend a week together. The week is filled with laughter and silliness and play…but also some serious talks about the past year and projection and goal-setting for the year ahead.

The greatest thing about my tribe is we have known each other for so many years and have been out in the field doing similar work for that long that we see the world through the same lens and they all get me.

Speaking of being out in the field, we have all been so career-focused that there haven’t been any children on this regular holiday tribe trip until this year.

One couple has grown children and they were with us but we also have beautiful 6 month old twins in the tribe now.

Taking twins across the boarder and to the beach is no easy task and prior discussions sounded a little like this “Just get them there and then there will be 11 adults to 2 babies and we will help all week long.” I am so glad they did.

Much of the tribe lives in close proximity to each other in Denver and get to spend a little more regular time together however being this far away, I don’t get that kind of regular time with any of them.

Although the babies added a lot to the dynamics of the group, it was delightful as we all learn to transition into the “with children” phase of our lives.

We shared great conversation over meals, while sitting around the pools and during walks on the beach. These are the people that light my flame and keep it stoked. We have a text message thread that goes on and on daily for years however having true face to face time fills my soul.

I do not have a tribe like that in Fenton. By the end of the week together, I feel so recharged and ready to take on the New Year. I always head back home rejuvenated but I am also a little sad when I land in Detroit and drive home knowing just how far away they all are. I miss them terribly and in a small way I dread coming home. I have a great life here but have always felt a little lonely following a week with my tribe.

This time was a little different. My boyfriend Mike was able to make it down for the week and of course we traveled home together. He is my ideal match I feel fortunate that he blends so well into my group of friends. Our connection fills my life so full on a daily basis and has ever since the day we met 9 months ago.

Chiropractor Fenton Michigan - My Tribe - Dr Erica Peabody

So this time around, instead of having to head home alone and readjust to Fenton and life apart from my tribe, I got to come home with him and together have put some action steps in place towards our goals we set for this year already!!

Although I have lived in pure gratitude for my incredible life for a long time now, I have always said that “Life is sweeter when shared.” I am finding so much truth to that with a connection like this.

My tribe is part of my lifeline. Our text message thread has continued on just as silly with bouts of seriousness as before. I laugh all day long with these people that are thousands of miles away and am grateful for technology helping us easily stay connected. I love them all so much and miss the babies and am sad I don’t get to watch them grow up in person.

To have this incredible man alongside me as all the days progress wins over all of that. He is my tribe, but more than that, he is my safe space, my recharging station and my true home. I tell him daily how grateful I am he is in my life but once more here (because he always reads) Thanks Babe. 🙂

THE SECOND STRAP

He always reaches for the second strap.

It doesn’t matter how many hundreds of times I have put this walking boot on, he reaches for that second strap to help out.

Most of you know I have been in a walking boot since early August. This has been an overuse injury do to my climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro back in March. Actually it didn’t happen on the mountain, it was when I got home and never took the proper time to rest that the injury happened. And beyond that I have been dealing with plantar fasciitis off and on for the past 4 years in my left foot. It was simply the perfect storm of events.

The trip to Mt. Kilimanjaro was life changing and amazing however since Kilimanjaro it has been the best seven months of my life and all due to meeting one heck of an incredible man.

He has been such a light in my life and I will be sharing our incredible life adventures as we go but I wanted to introduce you all to Mike.

He is the most kind, gentle, generous, hilarious and loving man I have ever been around and I feel lucky to even be able to hang out with someone like him on a regular basis and even luckier to be loved and supported by him.

The other day as I was leaving to head back into work after my lunch, he was there grabbing the boot and helping me. Of course I am the only one that knows exactly when I am putting it on and taking it off but as soon as I grab and velcro or un-velcro the first strap, he always grabs the second strap. I got choked up “Even after all this time, how do you just keep doing that and helping me?”

Last week must have marked 500 (not exaggerating) times or so that I have taken this boot off and put it back on. If he is with me, he jumps up from any place and is instantly up in my business and helping me get this thing back on and he is always fast enough to grab the second strap. There are 5 total and by the time he has his hands on the second strap he is fixing the rest of them up for me to go out and take on the world. Every. Single. Time.

We have worked and camped and traveled and danced and played since I have had this boot on. He is always always always making sure it is handled.

There is an air pump on the boot that pumps air around the liner and softens the hard rough corners of the boot. He knows it takes 8 pumps to pump it up to a comfortable level and that when I stand up it needs 2 more pumps of air for it to be solid. He counts out loud as he does it. It comforts me.

I have never ever known a man so willing to help me in my life. He is there for the fun times but also there, right by my side for the mundane-ness of life…like taking this boot off and putting it back on. The extent of his help is endless, I am just using this simple task as illustration.

I would be a liar if I said this has all been easy for me but honestly, to accept help in my life isn’t easy to begin with and it has taken this long to really be alright with leaning on him. His continual willingness to grab that second strap has been eye-opening, as well as mind-boggling. For the 40 years of my life so far, I have never had so much help, love and support.

Does it sound strange to say that I believe the Universe sent me such a crazy injury that needed so much tending to and sent him at the same time just so I could truly have a shift in my being and allow him to infiltrate my life? Does it sound crazy that this boot has been like a “boot camp” of sorts to break me down, break all the guards down and teach me to allow someone, him, in?

A friend said to me the other day “I sympathize with your foot thing as I dealt with something similar for 6 months. It took me getting to a place in my mind that if this is how it was going to be for the rest of my life, if this pain is permanent and I have to deal with this limitation for life, I accept that as my reality…and then I started healing.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks mostly because I have learned to accept it into my life with the condition that it is just for the time being assuming it will heal and feel better. But taking the idea up a level to the concept that if I have to live in this boot for the rest of my life and be alright with that has really allowed a huge emotional release for me and I can feel the healing happen…on many levels.

…because if I get to have his help with this (which I am finally healing so I will be back to normal in the next few weeks so I won’t need help with it for a lifetime BUT there are ALWAYS other obstacles) life for the rest of my life, I open my arms and heart fully and accept it.

After all of these months and never wavering ever even once, I know he will always be by my side ready to grab that second strap and help me move forward. I am forever grateful for his love.

FOUNDATION

If you are following me on this journey, you know that I am currently building a house. In fact, this week they are finishing with the foundation. Chiropractor Fenton Michigan - Foundation - Dr Erica Peabody This house project is about 1 year delayed but it is a tricky lot and there has been a lot of time spent on putting in the foundation. The house is set back into a hill and so the foundation has to be done in pieces and locked together.
The house project has been going on for quite a while and the one right next door finished just about a month ago. Of course because that one is ahead of us, it puts a bit of pressure from outsiders that are wondering why they aren’t finished at the same time. What they don’t realize is that the neighbors had their house plans in the works even before I had dreamed of purchasing my lot. Their efforts began much before mine did, but sitting side by side, onlookers forgot about that part.
I am fascinated by demolition as well as construction and I am the homeowner that sits on the sidelines, literally on the sidelines, and watches as much of the process as possible in person. I have a very talented builder working on my house and have been sitting right by his side since the very first line was drawn.
I feel very lucky to be part of the process but also even luckier to be privy to the very beginnings and all pieces along the way.
Currently it is difficult to not spend every extra minute out there watching what they are doing on a day to day basis. Chiropractor Fenton Michigan - Foundation - Dr Erica Peabody It started with excavation and then on to footings. Footings started with just boards for forms and then the cement was poured. At this point it felt like something was actually happening.
The next was forms for the foundation. Watching the crew work so hard and putting together this steel puzzle that would eventually be the foundation of my home, absolutely fascinating. I have an incredible team hired to do the foundation and to watch as they all worked together to make this thing happen was really interesting.
Then the pump truck pulls in and they start filling the forms with cement. I sat there and watched from the neighbor’s stairs as this puzzle soon became my basement.
It has been a beautifully sunshiny fall here in Michigan and that day was no exception. It was in the low 60s and the sun was shining on my face as I sat and watched them do this process.
I have been in awe of this entire building process but to actually watch something like this come together, I called my builder and said “It must be so gratifying to watch lines on paper become something!”
Not everyone will get a chance to put a mark on the Earth.
Not everyone who does get a chance to build will be able to watch the process every step of the way.
In that moment, I realized how strongly I was fighting back tears of

Chiropractor Fenton Michigan - Foundation - Dr Erica Peabody

gratitude. I had to have the events of my life to line up exactly the way they did in order to be able to have this chance. During this long and drawn out process, I had no idea if it was going to actually happen and, truthfully some of the process has been very very difficult and some of it actually quite painful.
The nay-sayers will always be there. The ones that want to give opinions on what to do and how to do it will always be waiting in the wings to chime in. I have heard “Do this.” “Don’t do that.” “Have you considered this?” “If I were you, I wouldn’t do that.”
Yup, you know what? We got this covered. There is a reason, well many many reason, why I am chosen the particular builder I am working with. In the midst of all of this I am confident he has it handled as he has shown me over and over and over.
In a moment, those tears of gratitude busted through the surface and I was balling.
Of course I am sure this looked so bizarre to the crew of guys that a woman would sit on the sidelines and ball her eyes out. It was a combination of tears along with laughter as it must have been a pretty bizarre energy coming through from me (I caught some of this in my instagram story: follow me @drericapeabody)
So I am in this. I have been in this but I am truly in this in a way that I can feel it from head to toe. I have created this beautiful home in my mind for years now. It is amazing to see the beginnings of its foundation, a foundation that has so much strength it is palpable.
This also rolls over to the fact that I am currently building a strong foundation for my life in other ways. Using the visual of the powerful foundation that is built for my home as a vision for my future, I have confidence it will be able to withstand the many tests that come with time.